


He Took Me Along With My Trust

by PeachyDae



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Dark, Depressing, Extremely Underage, Kidnapping, M/M, Rape Aftermath, Rape Recovery, Rape/Non-con Elements, Stockholm Syndrome, Triggers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-08
Updated: 2016-11-06
Packaged: 2018-08-13 21:27:34
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 12
Words: 11,311
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7986850
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PeachyDae/pseuds/PeachyDae
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>At the age of six, Jongdae is taken from a park and taken to home that belongs to a man or "Mister" as he calls him. He doesn't understand how to play, let alone win the big boy games Mister plays with him. All he knows is he's alone aside from his only friend; Mister's son, Yixing.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. The Day

**Author's Note:**

> Chenxing birthday fic!!!  
> I've had this idea for awhile so I hope you enjoy it!  
> Yes, this is a very dark and twisted fic so I'm going to put a big trigger warning on here. I do not condone to child rape or pedophilia so please do not hate.  
> I'm sorry for any grammar or spelling problems This fic is written as Jongdae's pov as he progresses in age.

My bestest thing at the park was the swings. I liked them because I felt like a bird. Today, my babysitter took me to the park cause Mommy and Daddy were working a lot. I went on the swings and the slides and ran around, then I went to the water fountain. A man was standing there.

“Hi,” He said to me. “What’s your name?”

“Jongdae,” I said back and stood on my tip toes to drink the water. The man stepped closer.

“Need some help buddy?” he asked, lifting me up so I could get my drink.

“Thank you, mister,” I said smiling.

“I was just about to get some ice cream, would you like to come with me?” OH BOY ICE CREAM I LOVE ICE CREAM!!

“Yes please mister!” I shouted, taking his hand. He smiled and pulled me to his fancy black car and helped me into the backseat. The seats were tan and leather and his car smelled nice.

“I like your car,” I said politely when the man got in his seat. He smiled at me through the mirror and started to drive to the ice cream store.

“Wait here Jongdae,” He said when we got there. I sat there, quietly waiting for the man to come back. He brought for me strawberry, my best kind.

“Thank you, mister!” I began to lick at my cone. I began to feel sleepy as I finished my ice cream. I closed my eyes and fell asleep.

* * *

 

I woke up from my nap in a warm room on fluffy tan carpet.

“Hello?” I shouted.

“You’re awake,” The man said. He looked different and walked towards me.

“I need to go home mister, it’s past my bedtime and I haven’t eaten dinner yet.” The man laughed.

“You can’t go home Jongdae,” He wrapped his arm around me and said softly in my ear. “You’re mine. Now.” His hand went up my shirt and he pinched my chest.

“Mister, I don’t think this is good,” I said trying to move away from him. He spanked me and I began to cry causing him to spank me again. He took off my shorts and underwear. He reached his hand around and grabbed my pee-pee. He laughed and squeezed it.

“You’re a tiny thing aren’t you.” He squished my bum with his other hand. “So soft and supple.” He pulled his own pants off and spread my bum again, this time putting his own big pee-pee in between them.

“M-mister? What are you doing? That’s where I poop and-” He hit my leg.

“We’re going to play a game Jongdae, a big boy game.” He made a loud noise and my bum started to hurt a lot and I cried harder.

“M-mister i-it hurts!” I cried and tried to get away again but he pulled me closer to him.

“Please mister, let go of me. I don’t want to play anymore!” He smacked my bum again and covered my mouth.

“Good boys are quiet, Jongdae,” I screamed but  no one could hear it. Something warm fell down between my legs and the man made a funny noise. He let me go and I fell to the floor. The man pulled his pants back on and walked up the stairs and turned off the light leaving me alone in the dark by myself.


	2. The Day pt. 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “I’m Jongdae. I’m six!” I said as he put me down onto my knees. It hurt a lot and I started to cry.  
> “Sorry, sorry.” He said fastly. He gave me a pink liquid that tasted like bubblegum and had me drink from the water cup. “I’m Yixing, 8”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter is continued from the first chapter and also includes Yixing's POV.  
> This chapter also begins to show how Yixing feels towards Jongdae.

A light turned on and I shut my eyes tight.

“Hey,” someone said really loud. I opened my eyes to see I was in a dog cage, a rope around my neck that was tied to the bars.

“Hey, do you want some water?” A boy asked. He was tall and pale and skinny. He also had dark brown curly hair and a big cup of water in his hand. I think he’s that same age as me. I nodded and wiggled a little and my bum stinged. I touched my bum and felt something wet and hot on it.

“Careful, you’re bleeding.” He unlocked the cage and took off the rope and picked me up out of it. He laid me on my tummy and pulled my legs apart.

“A-are you gonna play the big boy game with me too?” I asked him. His eyes widened and he let go of me.

“He did that to you?” He said quietly. He shook his head. “How old are you?

“I’m Jongdae. I’m six!” I said as he put me down onto my knees. It hurt a lot and I started to cry.

“Sorry, sorry.” He said fastly. He gave me a pink liquid that tasted like bubblegum and had me drink from the water cup. “I’m Yixing, 8”

“Really??!!?” I didn’t have any friends that old. He nodded.

“YIXING!” A voice shouted from up the stairs. He turned to me.

“I have to go now. I am going to help you into the cage but I’m not going to tie you in okay?”

“YIXING.” The voice shouted again. He lifted me up and put me in the cage, locking it again.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Jongdae, sleep well.” He turned off the light and ran upstairs.

“Bye,” I said before laying on my side.

I don’t know why Mister brought me back to his house to play big boy games but I miss my mommy and daddy a lot. I miss my older brothers Minseok and Joonmyun even though they teased me a lot for being so small. I just wanted to go home and sleep in my room under my pororo blanket and hug my teddy bears. I don’t want to be here.

* * *

 

Yixing 8

“Dad, I’m home,” I said as I walked into the kitchen after school. I laid my bag down on the table. He was walking up from the basement, odd we didn’t keep anything down there. He smiled at me and tugged his shirt down.

“Yixing-ah how was school?” He asked ruffling my hair with his hand. I sighed and sat down.

“Fine, Dad. School is school.” I said sliding my math textbook out of my bag.

“I’m off to work now. Be good there’s food in the fridge.” He kissed more forehead and left. I watched him silently as he drove out of our driveway. Turning my attention back to my homework, I breezed through it in minutes. Then I remembered, I hoped out of my chair, went to the basement door, and pulled it open. The stairs creaked with each step. I flicked the lights on and gasped at the sight of a small boy locked in an old dog cage. He looked small, too skinny, and tired, bruising patterns littering his pale skin in the shape of hands. I ran up the stairs and grabbed children’s pain relief and water.

I crept down the stairs again but when I turned on the lights, this time, the boy inside the cage whined and squirmed, eyes shut tight.

“Hey,” I called out to him. My eyes widened as I saw the rope tied around his neck. “Do you need some water?” He nodded and tried to get on his knees before he reached down and touched his butt. His fingers were covered in red. This was worse than I thought. I moved closer to him. 

“Be careful, you’re bleeding.” I pulled him gently out of the cage after untying him and put him on his stomach, spreading his legs a little to assess the damage.

“A-are you gonna play the big boy game with me too?” He asked, voice shaking. My face paled and my words came out in a mere whisper.

“He did that to you?” The boy looked really young. “How old are you?”

“I’m Jongdae, I’m six.” I helped him onto his knees and him, Jongdae, started to cry. 

“Sorry, sorry,” I measured the dose of medicine and gave it to him. He swallowed it down and gave him some water to rinse it down. “I’m Yixing, 8,”

His face lit up like a kid who received news of a snow day.

“REALLY!” He shouted astonished with my age. I nodded and smiled at him.

“YIXING!!!” My dad was home early. I picked Jongdae up and put him back into the cage.

“I have to go now. I’m not gonna tie you in but I have to lock it.”

“YIXING!” He called me again and I could hear him walking around.

“I’ll see you tomorrow Jongdae, sleep well,” I said before turning and running up the stairs, the image of a small, fragile, and terrified looking boy fresh on my mind.

 

I cooked dinner for my father and I then got ready for bed. I looked in the mirror while I brushed my teeth, trying to straighten out the mess of curls on my head but the only thing I saw in my reflection was Jongdae’s large fear filled brown eyes. I dressed in my pajamas (a large power rangers t-shirt) and kneeled in front of my bed.

“God,” I whispered to the empty room. “Help Jongdae, heal him, help my dad see how small he is and how scared he is. Amen,” I finished my prayer and crawled into bed.

I didn’t sleep much that night, my thoughts always leading back to the boy locked up in my basement.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading!


	3. Birthday Present

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, I'm back. Apologies for the late update , I've been extremely busy with school and marching band and such. This chapter is for Jongdae's birthday (happy birthday cheny-cheny!). The story is going to pick up and have more time jumps so make sure to read the POV and stuff. Have a wonderful day lovelies!

Yixing 8

Three months had passed since I found Jongdae and I had come to learn so much about him. His favorite show was Pororo, he had two older brothers named Joonmyun and Minseok, his favorite flavor was strawberry, his favorite thing at the park was the swings, and his birthday was September 21st, today. 

Dad and my Uncle Jeong Wook were sitting in the kitchen when I walked in before school, happily sipping at cups of coffee. I tried to slip past them but he saw me.

“Yixing, my boy!” He said getting up from his seat, I froze in terror.

“G-good morning uncle.” I bowed to him. He laughed at me and clapped me on the shoulder. I wanted to cry.

“On your way to school, I see.” He brushed some of my hair behind my ear and I shivered. 

“Yixing-ah,” My father cooed, crouching down next to me. I looked at him and he smiled. “Your uncle and I are going out for drinks before you get back from school. Be good, do your homework, and eat dinner.” 

“Yes dad,”

* * *

 

When I got home from school, I raced into the house impatient to see Jongdae. In the months I had been here, Jongdae had taken an interest in my schooling.

_ “Wow Xing,” He said astonished as I finished my math homework. “What grade are you in?” _

_ “Fifth, I skipped grades 1-4,” I told his and his eyes lit up. _

_ “You’re so smart Xing, I wanna be like you!” _

_ “I can teach you.” _

_ “REALLY!?!?!?!?!?? Thank you, Xingy!!!!!” _

I smiled and walked down the stairs of the basement.

Jongdae was silent when I finished my decent. His wrists were bound behind his back, his ankles chained, eyes dull looking down to the floor of the cage. His body was bare and pale, black and blue splotches littered his thighs, neck, and upper arms. Bones pressed against his skin almost painfully.

“Oh Jongdae, what is he doing to you?” I whispered to myself. I approached the boy.

“Jongdae,” He flinched but looked up at me.

“Hi Xing,” He said, voice hoarse. I smiled weakly at him.

“Happy birthday Jongdae,” I said crouching down next to him. “I have something for you.” I reached into my bag and pulled out a stuffed dragon. The animal was green, soft, and gently worn and it was small enough to fit through the bars of the cage. Jongdae began to cry.

“The-thank-k y-you,” His small body was shaking and he sniffled as he looked at the dragon.

* * *

 

Jongdae 7

“Jongdae!!” A voice said to me. I opened my eyes and Mister and another man I had never seen before was standing outside the cage. “Look at him Jeong Wook,”  Mister said to the other man. “And he’s a big boy, he’s seven.” Mister’s friend kneeled next to me and tipped my cage.

“He’s a pretty one. Where’d you get him?” He asked. Mister began to unlock the cage and undo my ankle binds.

“The park. The little thing was wandering around.”

“Is he any good?”

“Better than Yixing ever was,” Mister said yanking me out by my arms. I fell on my knees and almost cried from the scrapes. Mister pulled me to a bar and tied my hands to it.

“Now Jongdae, be a good boy and let Jeong Wook give you your birthday present.” He said patting my head.

A hand grabbed my leg and pulled hard.

“Such a pretty boy.” Lips left wet kisses everywhere. “Happy Birthday, Jongdae.” It hurt. I didn’t like this at all. No matter how loud I screamed and cried no one helped. Mommy and Daddy promised they would help me if I asked but no one came.

“Shut up slut,” Why was everything hurting? Why were they always playing these games..? My head hurt a lot and my vision went funny and then I fell asleep really fast.

* * *

 

 

My wrists were red and stinging and my head was hurting so much. The chains around my ankles clanked loudly.

“Jongdae,”  _ No, no, no.  _ It was Yixing.

“Hi Xing,” My throat was hurting too now but I didn’t want my friend to be worried so I smiled.

“Happy birthday, I have something for you.” He pushed something through the bars of the cage. It was a small, green dragon. I cried.

“Th-thank you Xi-xing!”

* * *

 

 

When Yixing had left, I decided to name the dragon.

“Kris? Do you like that name?” I asked it, it’s glass eyes looked at me and I smiled. “I like it,” The dragon continued to stare.

“Why am I here Kris? Why can't I go home?”


	4. Revelation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Rape often results in pregnancy for females and many mental health issues such as PTSD, depression, and suicidal thoughts, even eating disorders.” Next slide.
> 
> “Kidnappings often result in rape or molestation which can lead to death in young kids.” He clicked through pictures of kids.
> 
> “These are all the missing children in the province. It’s important these children are found.” I gasped, on the screen was Jongdae. I leaned over my desk and threw up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Yixing's birthday chapter YAY!  
> To everyone who is commenting poor Jongdae don't worry I have a plan for him and Yixing.  
> If anything is confusing you, leave a comment and I'll explain.

Yixing 15

“Good morning class, this is Mr. Kim, your sexual education teacher. Please pick up a handout on your way in and Mr. Kim will start.” I grabbed the paper and froze as I saw the first word.

Rape.

My teacher came up to me and put a hand on my back.

“Are you alright Yixing? I know this might be a little too mature for your age.”

“No it’s okay teacher,” I slid into my desk and laid my head down. Mr. Kim, a young man with a face that looked kind of familiar, cleared his throat to catch the class’ attention.

“According to the Webster's dictionary,” He said as he wrote something on the board. “The definition of rape is ‘ Unlawful sexual activity and usually sexual intercourse carried out forcibly or under threat of injury against the will usually of a female or with a person who is beneath a certain age or incapable of valid consent.’” He set the whiteboard marker down and opened a powerpoint on his laptop. “Rape victims are often afraid to say anything about what happened or what is happening. If you or someone you know is being raped, tell authorities immediately.” Tell someone? Dad said it had to be a secret. Next slide.

“Rape often results in pregnancy for females and many mental health issues such as PTSD, depression, and suicidal thoughts, even eating disorders.” Next slide.

“Kidnappings often result in rape or molestation which can lead to death in young kids.” He clicked through pictures of kids.

“These are all the missing children in the province. It’s important these children are found.” I gasped, on the screen was Jongdae. I leaned over my desk and threw up.

* * *

 

Following the school rule of getting sick during school, my dad came and picked me up from school.

“Is Xingy not feeling well?” He asked in a babying voice. I wanted to smack him.

“I’m fine but let's talk about Jongdae.” He slammed on the brakes throwing me forward. He turned to face me eyes angry lips pulled down in a frown and glared back up at him fury running through my entire being.

* * *

 

Jongdae 13

My legs were cramped and my butt was bruised again. The cage was getting too small for me but no matter how much I asked, Mister still refused to let me out. I learned to just accept the fact I was going to never see the sunlight again. I was covered in dried body fluids from three days ago and my hair was greasy and matted; I felt disgusting.

_ It’s cause you are. _

A door slammed upstairs and I heard shouting. I flinched, Mister must be drunk again. I remember the first time he came home drunk when I was 8.

_ The door to the basement slammed shut. _

_ “Jongdaeeeeee!!!!” Mister shouted. He stumbled down the stairs, a bottle of soju in one hand a cardboard box in the other. He tripped over his own feet and fell near the cage wall. He groaned and stood up brushing the dust off of himself. He laughed, set the box down, and unlocked the top of my prison. _

_ “I have a surprise for youuuu.” He tipped me out of the cage and I fell to the ground. He dragged me to the punishment bench in the middle of the room and tied my wrists to it. Mister opened the box. A brand new, leather cat-o-nine tails were inside. _

_ “You’ll enjoy this slut, Jeong Wook recommend it to me. He lifted his hand and brought down hard. I screamed as the whip came in contact with my back. _

_ “Shut up whore, you’re so loud.” Another crack. “Giving me a fucking headache,” _

Suddenly, Yixing tumbled down the steps groaning as he landed on his back.

“YOU THINK YOU KNOW ABOUT MY TOY!! HE TOOK YOUR PLACE!!! YOU SHOULD BE GRATEFUL!!” Mister bounded down the stairs and slapped Yixing across his face as he tried to get up.

“YOU’RE RAPING HIM!! YOU KIDNAPPED HIM!!” Yixing screamed back tears filling his eyes, he tried to run up the stairs, but Mister grabbed his ankle and pulled him down, I winced when I heard the crack of one of his bones. Mister grabbed his upper arm and dragged him over to one of the many poles that were adjacent to the bench in the basement. He tied him up by his stomach and then once he knew Yixing was secure, he turned to me. I gulped. Mister flipped the cage over and I hit my head.

“Get out you whore.” He snarled, I whimpered and tumbled out. He grabbed my wrist, fingers easily wrapping around. He tugged me to the bench and tied my wrists and ankles to it.

“God fatass, am I gonna have to cut back on your food again?” I wanted to cry but I didn’t want Yixing to think I was hurting, he didn’t need to worry about me. Mister spread my bum cheeks and pushed himself in. The stretch was unbearable and I cried out, pulling at the thick ropes around my ankles and wrists. Mister pounded into me and I screamed, my fists balled up as tears dripped down my face.

“Shut your whore mouth,” He snapped.

“Jongdae!!!” Yixing sobbed tugging at his own restraints. He looked at Mister eyes burning in hatred. “Let go of him!” He growled. He didn’t stop his thrusts.

“Shut up or you’ll get it too.” Yixing froze and just watched silently. “Good boy,” Mister cooed. He came inside me with a grunt and pulled out. “Every time Jongdae, I swear you get tighter and tighter.” He pulled his pants up moved towards the stairs. Before leaving, he grabbed a fistful of Yixing’s hair and pulled, hard.

“I’m pulling you out of school, your uncle can come and teach you,” Mister whispered in his ear. He undid the ropes around Yixing and my friend raced to me as Mister stalked up the stairs.

It hurt. I was so filthy, Mister’s come dripped down my thighs. Yixing got the ropes of me and pulled me carefully into his lap.

_ Don’t touch me, Xing, you’ll become dirty too. _

“Oh Jongdae,” Yixing murmured, pressing his lips to my temple. “I’m so sorry he hurt, I love you. I’ll get you out of here, I promise.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!


	5. Behind his Smile

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s a dream Yixing, it’s just a dream. You’re okay.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter may confuse things more than the rest of the story does so for itself. If you have any questions, please leave a comment below so I can explain everything. This chapter hopefully explains most of Yixing's back story.

Yixing 17

I was banned from seeing him. Dad said it was because Jongdae didn’t deserve to be shown love or any form of kindness. Uncle Jeong Wook started living here. At night, he’d sneak into my room and climb into bed with me. He’d touch me and call me beautiful  much like when I was little and I hate it.

I knew what they were doing to him. Late at night, when my uncle doesn’t come into my room, I could hear them. Jongdae’s screams, his cries for them to stop, my father and uncle’s insults, skin slapping against pale, feathery, and bruised skin. I wanted to leave and run away but I couldn’t. Jongdae was here and he deserved to be free.

 

_“Xing baby, Uncle Jeong Wook is here to see you!”_

_“I’m sleepy Daddy!” I cried and rubbed my eyes._

_“I know sweetie but he’s here to tutor you! Don’t you want to be smart?” I nodded and hugged my sloth plush, Yeol, to my chest. Daddy kissed my forehead and pushed to my closet. “Go get dressed and I’ll make you some porridge.” He pushed me towards the closet and  I stumbled a little. My uncle caught me._

_“Woah there Xing, what are you doing?”_

_“Sorry uncle, I’m tryin ta get dressed.” His eyes sparkled._

_“Let me help.”_

_“Okay,”_

_He pulled my sleep shirt over my head and ran his fingers through my hair._

_“So pretty Yixing, you’re such a pretty boy.” He grabbed my pale thighs and pulled my underwear off. “So mature too, already potty trained!” My face heated up. He pulled my legs apart and took my peepee in his hand._

_“Uncle?” He hushed me and kissed my lips._

_“Hush baby, you deserve this.”_

I woke up panting, sweat dripping down my forehead. I pressed my hand to my chest, trying to calm its rapid beating.

_It’s a dream Yixing, it’s just a dream. You’re okay._

I turned on my side but couldn’t go back to sleep. The curtains on my window fluttered at the gentle breeze outside. Then I heard a voice.

“Yes Ma, I’ll be sure to get some sleep. Yes, I ate aish. Alright, Ma, goodnight.” I peeked out the window and saw a tall man locking the door to his car. A police car. Suddenly, I knew what I had to do.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all can piece together what I'll be doing...


	6. Liberation

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This tall man. Could he set us free, would he do it?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it, guys.....

Yixing 18

 

“You know the rules Yixing, no phone, no television, no radio, don’t go outside, and don’t go down to the basement unless you want Jongdae to be punished again.” He said, pulling his coat on. They were going out for drinks, tonight was my opportunity to get him, us, out of here.

“Now be a good boy, Uncle Jeong Wook and I will be home in about an hour!”

The door slammed shut and I was alone.

The door was locked from the outside and the phone was turned off. Security cameras lined the outside as if I was in a prison. I was.

I climbed out my window not caring for the cameras or the freezing cold, praying that he would be home. He was. I pounded on his door.  _ Please, God, he has to answer.  _ He did.

“Hello? OH MY!“ He caught my upper arms before I could collapse.

“You have to help him, you have to help us!” I was crying and shaking like a leaf.

“Whoa calm down, help who.” 

“HIM!” I began tugging him to my house. The tall policeman lets me pull him to the window and I climbed back in. He looked confused but climbed in after me. He followed me through my house as I led him to where he was.

“You have to get it open, he’s down there.” The man kneeled next to me.

“Look kid,”

“Yixing,”

“Yixing,” He sighed. “I don’t know who “he” is and I can’t help you, where are your parents I-”

“NO, HE’S THE ONE THAT CAUSED THIS!” I yanked on the door locks. “HELP ME! PLEASE! GOTTA SAVE HIM, GOTTA SAVE JONGDAE!”

The man’s eyes widened and he pulled out the gun in his belt.

“Close your eyes and turn away,” I did and I heard a gunshot. He shot through the locks. I pushed out of his way and raced down the steps into the darkness. He gasped when he saw the cage. He whipped out his cell phone and dialed a number.

“This is Officer Wu, I need an ambulance to my house stat. Also, backup, send all units.” He hung up and tried to open the cage.

“Is he okay, will he be okay, Jongdae, my Jongdae.” A lady came down as Yifan lifted him up. More people filed in the basement. A stretcher, some other guys, more police. Officer Wu lifted Jongdae out of the cage and set him in front of the lady. She flashed a light in front of his hazy eyes. 

“He’s falling unconscious,”

“Jongdae, Jongdae don’t fall asleep!”

“He’s going into cardiac arrest!”

Jongdae 16

_ Why am I still alive. I want to be dead. I wonder if I’ll ever get out. I wonder if my parents still love me. I wonder if Yixing remembers me. I wonder why he doesn’t visit anymore. Does he not like me? I wonder what he would say if I told him I loved him. He’d probably hate me. I wonder why Mister doesn’t let me eat. Because I’m fat. Fat, fat, fat. Breathing hurts, blinking hurts, living…… hurts. My heart is slow and it hurts when it beats. There’s a loud bang upstairs. I bet Mister brought his friends here again. I don’t like Mister’s friends. I don’t like Mister… Why am I being lifted up? Why am I hearing shouting and crying? Why do I hear my name? Jongdae, Jongdae, Jongdae. _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> YES OUR BABIES ARE FREEE


	7. Freedom and Agony

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I’m left alone the only thing around me is the sound of beeping. I know what it means but I don’t want to believe it.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What a double update??????  
> Lol yeah, I'm waiting for marching band to start...  
> Warning for the chapter it's very depressing with thoughts of suicide.  
> If you have questions please ask!

_ Sirens, shouting, beeping, forced breathing, more shouting, darkness. _

_ “We’re losing him,” _

_ “His heart is failing,” _

_ “He’s so skinny, so small.”  _

_ “He’s the missing kid.” _

_ “And the other boy who was with him?” _

_ “Taken from China.” _

_ Yixing. _

_ …. _

_ … _

_.. _

_. _

_ Beep….beep…...beep…..beep…. _

_ There’s a pressure on my hand _

_ “Come on Yixing, it’ll be okay, he’ll wake up when he needs too. Come eat, you’re too skinny.” _

_ “Are you sure Mr. Wu? It’s been so long…” _

_ “Trust me,” _

_ I’m left alone the only thing around me is the sound of beeping. I know what it means but I don’t want to believe it. _

_ “Good evening Jongdae! I’m here to bring your fluids” Who is that? I don’t know their voice but I can’t bring myself to open my eyes. _

_ One hour _

_ Two hours _

_ Three hours _

_ Four hours  _

_ Five hours _

_ I’m not in the hospital but in the cage. _

_ “Jongdae-ah,” The voice is a mere whisper. “Sorry, I took too long. Will you wake up soon? I hope you do. Your family they watch you through the window. They’re nice people Jongdae. I saw my real dad for the first time since I was four, today. He’s really kind and very pretty for a man. His name is LuHan. I think you’ll like him.” There’s a pause. “I have to go now, I’m staying with Mr. Wu in the visitor’s area. He’s very tall.” Lips press to my hand. “I must leave, I love you.” The door slams shut and my fingers twitch at the noise. _

* * *

 

Yixing 18

I sigh as the door closes and brush my curls out of my eyes. I make my way down to the cafeteria, pouring myself a cup of tea, and sitting at a booth. The hospital is quiet, visiting hours are long since over and the only family of the loved ones in critical condition is allowed to stay. I sigh and sip at the hot drink, shuddering as the warmth slides down my throat.

“You really love him don’t you?” I jump at the voice. “Sorry, sorry,” LuHan, my real father scoots into the seat across from me. I relax a little and smiles at me, eyes full of pity.

“It’s fine,” I pause for a while, a comfortable silence surrounding us. “How’d you know I’d be here?”

“Ahh, your mother would drink hot tea when she was stressed.” His face reflects sadness. I might have just met my father a few hours ago, but he’s very easy to read.

My father was a young man only 43 years of age. He looks very young for his age in my opinion. According to Mr. Wu, I was kidnapped by Mr. Kim my “father” when I was four years old while in an art museum with my mother, who worked as a journalist and photographer. She blamed herself for my disappearance and had commit suicide after two years of searching for me. I don’t remember her, but my father says she was very beautiful. Ever since then my father had made it his goal in life to find me.

His warm hands held my cold ones and he brushed a tear from my face. I didn’t realize I was crying.

“It’ll be okay Xing, he’ll be alright.” Suddenly, Mr. Wu burst in through the doors to the cafeteria.

“It’s Jongdae,” he panted, eyes wide. “He’s awake.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading lovelies!!!


	8. Dr. Park

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> No, no, no. Hands reach out and graze my skin, claws scratch at my insides, all I feel is pain. Tubes attached to me monitoring my every breath, every heartbeat. I want to die, I want to die, I WANT TO DIE.  
> Xing, Xing I need him. He’s gone, though. He doesn’t love me.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello, everyone! Here's another update. I think there will only be a few more chapters of this story but I have some big kaisoo and krisyeol plans. Also, I have two one-shots I'm going to drop. Anyways, enjoy and please tell me what you think in the comments, I love reading them in the morning before I go to school.

Jongdae, 16

_Nonono. Hands reach out and graze my skin, claws scratch at my insides, all I feel is pain. Tubes attached to me monitoring my every breath, every heartbeat.  I want to die, I want to die, I WANT TO DIE._

_Xing, Xing I need him. He’s gone though. He doesn’t love me._

_No one loves you._

_I know._

_You’re disgusting, no one can or will ever love you. He’s gone now, you pushed him away._

_I know._

_They’re saying my name._

_You aren’t important._

_My face is wet am I crying?_

_Yes, crybaby._

“Jongdae!” Familiar hands, a soft comforting touch, then I’m enveloped in a warmth I hadn’t felt for so long.

Yixing.

He presses my lips to my temple and blocks out everything else for me.

“You’re okay Dae, you’re alright.”

_No, don’t touch me, you’ll be tainted, I don’t deserve your kindness._

Footsteps, loud heavy ones. Like he’s walking down the stairs to tell me there won’t be any food or to punish me.

“Hello Jongdae, I’m Doctor Park, your therapist.” _Hide_

“Would you leave us please? I would like to talk to him alone.” _No_

“Of course, I’ll be right outside Jongdae.”

_He’s leaving you because you’re filthy. You don’t deserve anyone’s help._

New hands, big ones, like Mister’s only softer, gentler, caution laced in each touch.

_He’s lying to you, you’ll never be okay, you’ll always be disgusting, why else would you family not come and visit you?_

_My family? They don_ ’ _t love me?_

_Of course not, they don’t want a slut for a son._

_Oh._

“Hey bud, how are you doing?”

_I don’t want you, I want Yixing._

“I know you’re very scared and confused, but I’m here to help you if you ever need to talk or are confused, okay?”

_He seems nice_

_So did he but then look what happened._

_You’re right._

_Don’t give him that luxury and this time, don’t whore yourself out to him._

_Okay._

“Jongdae, I’m going to let you sleep for a little before the nurses come in to change your tube.”

_Tube?_

_You have a feeding tube. You’re too ‘malnourished’._

_Oh._

_I’ll make sure these people don’t lie to you Jongdae, I’ll be sure to tell you the whole truth._

_Okay…_

* * *

 

Yixing, 18

He’s sobbing when I get to the room. Shaking like a life in the corner of the hospital bed. He’s so frail, so tiny, he looks skeletal. _Why would anyone hurt someone as pure as you in this way?_

The nurses are surrounding him touching him and I want to yank their hands away. I race to his side and crawl onto the lumpy mattress, taking his shivering, freezing body into my arms and block out the rest of the world. I press a kiss to his temple.

“You’re alright Dae, it’ll be okay.” He’s still crying but less violently now, tears oozing down his caved-in cheeks. He looks up at me, eyes dull and hollow; dead-like. Mr. Wu touched my shoulder.

“Yixing, Jongdae’s therapist is here.” I nod and a tall man with dark hair and glasses walked into the room, a smaller more feminine man behind him, fingers never leaving the taller man’s jacket. The taller smiled and held his hand out to me.

“Good evening, I’m Doctor Park Chanyeol, this is Baekhyun.”

“Yixing,” I shook his hand and began petting Jongdae thin locks.

“May I speak with him?” Again I nod and lessen my hold on him. Dr. Park smiled.

“Hey Jongdae, I’m your therapist.” He seizes up in my arms and still doesn’t speak. The doctor frowns.

“Would you leave us please? I would like to talk to him alone.” I get up reluctantly, freezing when Jongdae gripped my arms, eyes wide, gasping and shaking. I placed my hands over his.

“Shh, it’s okay, I’ll be right outside Jongdae.” I leave the room and sit out in the hall.

“Hey,” I look up and see my father slide down the wall next to me. “How is he?” I take a deep breath only to let out a choked sob. I’m pulled and to a hug and I cry into my dad’s shoulder.

“It’s okay Xing, he’ll be okay.” Mr. Wu crouches down in front of me.

“They found him and a trial date has been set. They want to get yours and Jongdae’s story if possible.” I can’t speak so I only nod. Dr. Park and the other man he was with step out of Jongdae’s room.

“The nurses are giving him some medicine to put him under so he can sleep properly. Please, come with me to my office.” I stand and follow him through the corridors of the hospital. He leads to a big office with large windows and soft pastel colored walls. He leads me to a set of couches and sits before gesturing for me to sit across from him. Baekhyun kneels beside the doctor and rests his head in his lap.

“As I said before I’m Dr. Park, Jongdae’s main therapist, as well as yours.”

“I don’t need-”

“14 years, Yixing,” He interrupts me. “That’s how long you were with Kim Young-min. I understand you thought he was your father but that will leave serious psychological damage on anyone. I believe not only but Jongdae to have Stockholm Syndrome. Much like what Baekhyun had.” Baekhyun’s head snaps up at the mention of his name. The therapist ran his fingers through the smaller’s hair coaxing him into relaxing against his lap again.

“Baekhyun was sold into sexually slavery at a very young age and hasn’t talked since. He won’t break out of his submissive training so I’ve been helping him open up a bit more and maybe even be able to talk one day.” I gulped seeing how submissive Baekhyun was, what if Jongdae was like this.

“W-will Jongdae be like Baekhyun?” Said man visibly winced and I felt bad.

“Hey, you’re alright,” Dr. Park said to him. “Most likely not, Baekhyun was trained and punished if he didn’t act this way. If anything, Jongdae will be very distrusting, he won't want to be around anyone or won't accept anything from them. You might be the only exception.”

”I don't understand.”

”You were the only one who helped Jongdae when he was stuck there, he sees you as someone who can help.” He looked at the time. ”Let's go back, it´s getting late and you're probably tired.” He got up and Baekhyun stood slowly, head ducked. I followed them back to where my father and Mr. Wu were putting the beds together.

”Sleep well Yixing, I'll be back in the morning.” He handed me a card. ”Call me if you need me.” I nodded and he left. My father wrapped a hand around my shoulder.

”Come on, it's late and you need to rest, you've had a long day.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading and have a great day!


	9. Dirty

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Every day for two months Jongdae had a personal counseling time. Every day for two months I was brought into that personal time because Jongdae couldn’t be alone without me. Every day for two months the list of what Jongdae had and the list of medications he has to receive gets longer.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Well, I plan on having two more chapters for this story, it's sad to see it coming to an end, but I have to start publishing my KrisYeol fic so please prepare for that.

Jongdae 16

_Why haven’t you quit yet no one loves you and no one cares, you’re alone, no one will help you!_

_I know._

_Give up, there’s no one here for you, no one but me._

_He’s standing in front of me, iron bars surrounding me. He walks forward and smiles wickedly._

_“Hello Jongdae, are you ready to play?” He unlocks the cage and dumps me out. His hands are on my thighs, my hips, my waist. Fingers trace my spine someone spreads my body. No, no, please you can’t. Pain, so much pain._

_“You’re mine forever Jongdae,”_

“Jongdae, JONGDAE!” _Hands, loud beeping, running._

_I don’t want to be him. I want to die, please, let me die. Please Xing, please._

_Imsorryimsorryimsorry_

_I don’t want to play._

_I’m home again, my brothers sitting in front of me holding my stuffed dog above my head out of my reach._

_“Come on Jongdae, you gotta reach it if you want it back.” Joonmyun teased._

_“No,” I cried. “I don’t want to play!”_

_I don’t want to play._

“He’s having a panic attack.”

“Someone call Dr. Park.”

“Yixing, don't touch him, he could hurt you.”

_I can hurt Yixing?_

_That’s all you do Jongdae, you hurt people, you should kill yourself._

_Okay._

_You have to pretend to be okay so Yixing won’t be worried, so everyone isn’t suspicious._

_Okay._

“You’re okay Jongdae,” Hands petting through my hair, drawing me into consciousness. “It’ll be okay he’s gone he can’t hurt you anymore.”

_He’ll never leave, he took you. he made you his. He will_ **_always_ ** _find you._

* * *

 

 

Yixing 18

Every day for two months Jongdae had a personal counseling time. Every day for two months I was brought into that personal time because Jongdae couldn’t be alone without me. Every day for two months the list of what Jongdae had and the list of medications he has to receive gets longer.

Stockholm Syndrome, separation anxiety, panic disorder, elective mutism, major depressive disorder, reactive attachment disorder, and heavy posttraumatic stress disorder.

 

I remember meeting his family.

 

_“Hello, I’m Minseok and this is my family.” The man clears his throat. “Officer Wu told us you were with Jongdae.”_

_“I was,”_

_“What happened to him?” An old woman asks hand clutched tightly around her husband’s hand. “Why can’t we visit him? We haven’t seen him in years!” I don’t know what to tell them. That their son, their brother, was raped every day? That he can’t speak? That he can’t eat? That he’s over 50 pounds underweight? That he can’t sleep through the night without being heavily drugged?_

_“I-I think it would be best for um, Dr. Park to explain everything. I can call him if you want.”_

_“Please,” the old man says before taking the woman I’m assuming is his wife, Jongdae’s mother, to the waiting area. His brother’s stay behind._

_“I’m sorry this happened to you Yixing.” I look up and gasp. Mr. Kim, the sexual education presenter when I was still in school, sits in front of me. “When I went to teach your class that week and you only showed up one day, I should’ve known something was wrong. When you reacted like that, to seeing Jongdae’s picture I should’ve-”_

_“It’s okay, I should have told someone I’m sorry. It’s my fault Jongdae is sick like this.”_

_“No. it’s alright, you didn’t know, you were with him for 14 years.” The other, Minseok, said, rubbing my shoulder. Dr. Park walked over to me, Jongdae’s parents behind him rubbing their red eyes._

_“I have to go and check on Jongdae, I’ll come find you if he needs you.” I nodded and watched the doctor walk down the hall._

_“My son,” Jongdae’s mother wept into her hands._

 

They sit with me all lot and Jongdae’s parents really like my real father (the three of them sit and drink coffee together when Jongdae’s parents visit. Minseok and Joonmyun often join them.) Jongdae has gained a total of 5 pounds since we were found which was good he was now up to 68 pounds. Most of his head was covered in bald spots due to him tugging on it and lack of nutrients. He refused to eat and would just stare blankly every time a cup of broth was laid in front of him.

“You said that he would withhold food from Jongdae if he believed Jongdae weighed too much?” Dr. Park asked me when I met in his office.

“I don’t know, I’d only heard him say it once although, when I would see him go down there, he’d never take any food.” Suddenly, Dr. Park’s walkie talkie let out a shrill noise making me flinch.

“Dr. Park you’re needed in Room 21. Code blue, I repeat, code blue.” Dr. Park got up and raced out of his office and I followed behind him.

 

Jongdae was sobbing, wailing like a cat dropped in water then left out in the cold.

“Jongdae, JONGDAE!” I shouted and ran to his side. His heart monitor was beeping sporadically and he clawed at his arms and face, sheets tangled in between his legs. I made a move to climb in bed with him to calm him down, but a nurse held my arm.

“Don’t he could hurt you.” I paled, Jongdae couldn’t hurt me. I went against her words and wrapped him in a hug which caused him to rouse out of his sleep.

“You’re okay, he’s gone, he can’t touch you anymore.” His tears flowed silently and he looked at me with pleading eyes as if questioning me.

“Promise,” I whispered. “I won’t let him.”

  


Everything scared him. The nurses that brought him broth (which I spoon fed him as it was the only way to get him to eat), Dr. Park if Baekhyun wasn’t with him, the doctors who brought him medicine and weighed him, even his family.

“Jongdae-ah! Guess who’s here to see you! You’re family!” Jongdae winced in my hold and his breathing picked up. He shook his head and brought his legs to his chest.

“Why? They haven’t seen you in over ten years!” He was sobbing into my neck.

“X-xing,” He stuttered out. I gasped at the sound of his soft, broken voice. “D-dirt-ty, n-no l..l-love.””

“No, no baby, you aren’t dirty at all and they love you, they always have and they always will.”  I still wasn’t able to calm him down.

“Should I get Dr. Park?” He nodded.

 

Jongdae needs you. He spoke.

I’m on my way.

Baekhyun is coming with me. Is that alright?

Sure.

“Jongdae, Dr. Park is coming, Baekhyun too. Will you speak for them?”

“C-c-can’t, they l-laugh.” He thought they would laugh at him because of his voice, his stutter.

“They won’t laugh at you baby, I promise.” We waited in silence until the loud therapist and his ever silent companion came in and stood in the doorway.

“Hey Jongdae,” The tall man said, Baekhyun whimpering behind him. “What happened?” He asked patiently. Jongdae looked at me as if asking for permission to speak. I nodded and he let out a low breath.

“D-dir-ir-irty.” A few tears slid down his cheeks and he hid his face in my neck. I took that as his signal for being done with the talking.

“A nurse said his family has been waiting to see him and explained how they hadn’t seen him in ten years. He believes he’s dirty and they won’t love him anymore.” I explained, petting Jongdae’s head. Baekhyun’s torso poked out from behind Dr. Park. He inched his way closer to the bed, caution laced in each step and stood in front of the two of us. His wide eyes met mine. He looked to Jongdae and I released my hold on him. He reached a shaky, pale hand out and gently laid it on Jongdae’s shoulder.

“J...Jong….” Baekhyun tried to squeeze out, his voice high and cracking. Dr. Park watched his own eyes bulging as the smaller attempted to speak.

“Okay, is okay.” Baekhyun comforted. Jongdae peered up at him and the smaller gave him a slight smile.

“Baekhyun!” Dr. Park cheered causing said man to fall to his knees with a gasp.

“S-s-sorry,” Baekhyun sobbed.

“No, no baby. You’re okay, you’re talking!” Dr. Park said happily, lifting the smaller into his arms. “I’m proud of you.” Baekhyun wrapped himself around Mr. Park’s waist.

“Y-Yeol,” Baekhyun cried. Jongdae shifted against my hip and I smiled at him.

“You’re doing so well,” I told him and he began to cry harder.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!


	10. Watch me Bleed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> It’s your fault. You know what you have to do Jongdae, you’ll have your chance tonight while everyone is asleep. You can finally be free and make everyone happy. Isn’t that what you want?
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Good boy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Last two chapters and a quick apology as I'm trying to end this in time to start my Krisyeol fic.  
> Trigger Warning here!!

Yixing 18

Jongdae was allowed to leave the hospital 4 weeks later with strict diet rules, a list of medication, a packet on what needed to be done with him, and a schedule for therapy. Originally, his parents wanted to take him home but Dr. Park helped me convince them to let him stay with me, claiming Jongdae needed me to function when in all honesty it was me who needed him. Officer Wu escorted the two of us to Luhan’s fairly large apartment. He helped us adjust to living with my father. On the last day, he handed Jongdae a package.

“I found this while searching his house.” He explained. Jongdae looked at me and I nodded. He tore the paper carefully and opened the box before gasping. Tears slid down his cheeks as he reached inside and pulled a fresh looking stuffed dragon.

“K-K-Kris?” Jongdae clutched the dragon to his chest, shaky fingers tracing down the back of the toy.

“It looks brand new! How?”

“It was filthy when I found it I washed and stitched it up.”

“The-the-thank-k you,” Jongdae spilled out more tears flowing down his face.

Officer Wu smiled then knocked on the door. Luhan answered it with a smile.

“Good evening Officer Wu, Yixing, and Jongdae! Good to see you out of the hospital!” He moved out of the doorway. “Come in, come in,” My father led us through his house. “Your guys’ room is already set up and Jongdae’s medicine and requirements are in the kitchen.” I can help you if you need me to but if not please rest and I will start dinner soon.” He spins and faces Mr. Wu, “Thank you for bringing them home to me.”

I led Jongdae to our bedroom and pulled him into bed with me. He tucked his face into my neck his plush squished between us.

“I know this is hard for you, but I will do my best to protect you. I love you so much Jongdae,” A knock sounded on our door.

“May I come in?” My father asked.

“Sure,”

“Jongdae’s parents called, they want to know if we could go out and have dinner with them.” I puzzled over it.

“Jongdae dear, do you want to go out and eat with your parents?” He whimpered but nodded nonetheless.

“We can go, I’ll make sure to take his medications.” My father smiled.

“Then I will call them back, be ready to go in twenty minutes.” He left and I rubbed Jongdae’s shoulder.

“That’s really brave of you baby, I’m proud of you.”

 

Jongdae refused to let go of me when we were seated at dinner, he hid his face in my neck and shivered continually. His parents were glaring at the two of us while Minseok and Joonmyun smiled and tried to include us in the conversation.

“So Yixing, are you going to go back to school?” Joonmyun asked me as I sipped on my water.

“You’re not in school?” Jongdae’s mother asked disapprovingly. I shook my head and she huffed.

“My son shouldn’t be living with someone who doesn’t attend school.” My father interrupted her.

“Yixing was in his last year when he was 15, he’s very smart, he even taught Jongdae when he was kidnapped. Dr. Park said that the two aren’t to be separated but, you are welcome to visit at any time.” He snapped.

“Yixing can come live with us!” She interjected.

“I haven’t seen my son for fourteen years I’m not going to have him taken away again.”

“YOU’RE TAKING MY SON AND TURNING HIM GAY!” Jongdae whimpered and began to cry against my throat.

“Mother!” Minseok gasped and touched the ring on his finger. “How could you say that knowing I’m to be married to the man I love?”

“M-m-marr-ri-ed?” Jongdae stuttered out his face peering out. Minseok beamed as brother and nodded happily.

“His name is Jongin, you’ll love him he’s very nice and, he’s a dancer!” Minseok sighed dreamily and I smiled, he was in love with Jongin as I was Jongdae. “I’ll bring him to meet you this week, he has a vacation at work.” Jongdae smiled and brought an unsteady hand up to his eyes to wipe away his tears. The waiter came back with everyone’s dinner and Jongdae’s cup of broth. I sighed and pulled out the bag of medicines that Jongdae has to take at dinner and set them in a line. I spooned out a little of the broth and blew on it to cool it down.

“Baby, you’re broth is here. Will you eat for me?” Jongdae looked at me warily and nodded parting his chapped lips and took the spoon into his mouth. I smiled at him and fed him another spoon. I pressed his antidepressant to his lips and he swallowed it down willingly.

“Good boy,” I mused and kissed his temple.

“He’s not a dog.” His mother spat, she ripped the spoon out of my hand. “He can eat on his own.” Jongdae gasped and gagged slightly out of panic.

“Mother you can’t do that to him!” Joonmyun growled. “Yixing is helping him eat and feel better, be grateful.”

“I cannot be grateful when he hid my son!” I choked on my own spit as Jongdae gasped. My real father was fuming. I just smiled and shook my head, taking the spoon from Jongdae’s hand and pulled him back into my lap.

“Here baby,” I cooed to him as he ate another bite of the warm broth. I handed him the rest of his pills and handed him a cup water but he wouldn’t swallow.

“Come on sweetie, you have to take your medicine. Don’t you want to feel better?” He sighed and drank from the cup.

“You two disgust me,” His mother growled and got up from the table. His father and brothers sighed and watched her leave. Jongdae began to sob.

“S-s-s-se-ee-see?” He stuttered. “The-they d-d-don’t-t l-love m-me.” I opened my mouth to comfort him but his father beat me to it.

“We do Jongdae it’s just your mother doesn’t want to believe the things that have happened to you.” Joonmyun and Minseok nodded in agreement. Jongdae sniffled and nodded. My dad sighed.

“We should go home Yixing, Jongdae needs to be weighed and put to bed.” I nodded and scooped the younger up into my arms.

 

I woke up in the middle of the night to an empty bed. I pushed myself up and brushed the hair out of my face.

“Jongdae?” I called out into the darkness. The bathroom light was on and the shower was running. I got out of bed, opened the door, and gasped. Jongdae was laying in the tub with the curtain opened and surrounded in a large puddle of water mixed with the blood that was pouring from his arm.

 _No, Jongdae!_ I ran to his side and turned the water off. I grabbed a towel from the cabinet and wrapped it around his wrist to try and stop the bleeding.

“Dad, DAD, NO JONGDAE PLEASE YOU CAN’T LEAVE ME LIKE THIS!” My father burst through the door and froze.

“Oh my gosh, I’ll call the ambulance.”

* * *

 

 

Jongdae 16

_I’m staying with Yixing and his father. His real father. Luhan. He seems like a nice person and he looks pretty._

_You’re too trusting._

_I know but Dr. Park says that I have to learn to trust people so I can get better._

_You don’t deserve to feel better._

_Why?_

_Because you’re dirty and useless._

_I know._

 

_Yixing smells nice and Officer’s Wu car smells new. He keeps looking at me through the mirror._

_He wants to make sure you don’t get your filth everywhere._

Yixing’s arm tightens around me, in between his knees is a backpack with all of our possessions including my medicine. We stopped the car at an apartment complex and a box was handed to me. I looked at Yixing.

 _Are you sure this is mine?_ He nods and I gulp nervously before tearing the paper and opening the box. Inside is something I thought was long forgotten.

“K-K-Kri-s-s?” _My dragon, the one Yixing gave me. Where did they find him? I’m happy they found him. Someone is leading me out of the car and into a nice room. It smells good in here like vanilla and honey. There’s soft carpet and fresh flowers. It’s pretty, it suits Yixing and Luhan. I like it here._

_They won’t let you stay for long once they see how impure you really are._

_I want to stay, though._

_They don’t want you._

I’m pulled into bed with Yixing and I like it. It’s warm and peaceful and no one can hurt me. It’s just the two of us in our own little world.

“Jongdae dear, do you want to go out and eat with your parents?” _No, no, no, I don’t want to._

 _You have to pretend to be okay Jongdae that’s how they won’t suspect anything from you._  I nod.

“That’s really brave of you.”

_I'm brave?_

_No, you are weak, you always will be._

 

 _This is the first time I’ve been outside in over 10 years._ I sit in Yixing’s lap to help chase away my terror and so then I’m not alone. He smiles and accepts me willing before ordering me water and cup of light broth. They’re sitting across from us and I can feel their stares boring into my skin. I’m cold.

“So Yixing,” _I recognize that voice… Joonmyun?_ “Are you going back to school?”

“You’re not in school?” I winced at my mother’s question.

_She just wants to take you away from Yixing._

_NO!_

“YOU’RE TAKING MY SON AND TURNING HIM GAY!” I press my face further against Yixing’s throat.

_Maybe she’ll disappear if I do that._

“How could you say that knowing I’m to be married to the man I love?” _Minseok? He’s getting married to a guy?_

“M-m-marr-ri-ed?” I realized what I did then lapsed back into silence.Minseok cheerily told me about his fiance; a man named Jongin.

 _He sounds so happy._ I wiped the tears from my face and tuned everything out as I went back into my hiding spot.

_Yixing has four freckles on his neck and three behind his ear. He has soft curly hair like mine but thicker. His bottom lip is thick and he has kind eyes…_

“Baby, you’re broth is here. Will you eat for me?” He asks. I don’t want to eat because what if I get so used to eating that I get food withheld again. I don't want to disappoint anyone and everyone is staring at me so I let him slide the spoon past my brittle lips and I sigh as the warm broth slides down my throat. He presses on of the pills to my mouth as well and I swallow it down.

“Good boy,” Yixing murmurs and I’m rewarded with a kiss to the head. My mother rips the spoon out of his hand fumingly and shoves it into mine.

“He’s not a dog, he can eat on his own.”

_No, no, no, I want Yixing, need Yixing, I can’t do it by myself. Everyone is angry now._

_It’s your fault. You know what you have to do Jongdae, you’ll have your chance tonight while everyone is asleep. You can finally be free and make everyone happy. Isn’t that what you want?_

_Yes._

_Good boy._

“Here baby,” Another spoonful. Pills of various colors and sizes are handed to me. I don’t want them. Yixing whispers quiet urges into my ear so I swallow them down.

“You two disgust me.” My mother snaps and then she gets up and leaves.

 _I disgust her, I disgust her,_ **_I disgust her._ **

_I was right they won’t love me._

“S-s-s-se-ee-see? The-they d-d-don’t-t l-love m-me.” I stuttered out. I started to cry.

_You useless whore. You thought they would accept you? They will never_ **_ever_ ** _love you._

_They talked to you; nod and smile._ I do as I’m told.

_Good boy._

I’m being lifted up and carried out, my old family being left behind.

_Yixing’s asleep, here’s your chance. If you move fast enough, you can fix it._

_I can?_

_Yes. Luhan keeps a pack of razors in each bathroom. Use them. They can help you, they’ll make you feel better. They’ll make you free._

_Okay._

I crawl out of bed and go to the bathroom.

 _Top shelf in the cabinet._ I stretch to reach them and the box hits the tips of my fingers. I pull it down and open it up. They’re shiny and clean.

_They’ll make me pure._

I hold one to my arm, press it down, and drag. Red flows from my arm and down to my sleeve staining it.

_You’re going to make a mess. Get in the shower quick!_

_This hurts, you said it would make me feel better._

_It will kill you, isn’t that what you want?_

_No. No that’s not what I want._

_Yes, it is. You deserve it._ My vision is funny and I see a shadow cast over me. Then, my world goes black.


	11. I Promise You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I should have known he wasn’t okay. It’s my fault I couldn’t save him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Short chapter but it needs to be done. I'm so sad this story is coming to a close but I love hearing from all of you, it brightens my day to read the comments you guys leave regarding my stories.

Yixing 18

I’m alone. My father went out to the hall to call Jongdae’s parents and brothers to tell them what he’d done.

_ I should have known he wasn’t okay. It’s my fault I couldn’t save him. _

“Hey Yixing, “ My Dad said as he flopped down onto the couch. He ran his hand through his hair and sighed.”I’m sorry that this happened but you can’t blame this on yourself and I know you are. Your mom did the same thing when you were taken and I did the same thing when she passed.” I broke then, tears and snot dripping down my face. My Dad clutched me to his chest, not caring if I made a mess on him, and comforted me.

“What if I lose him? What if he dies and I can’t talk to him anymore or tell him how much I love him?!?” I sobbed. 

“It’ll be okay Yixing, Jongdae is a fighter, he won’t give up that easily. I’m sure he already knows how much you love him.” I sniffled.

“Really?”

“Really, now get some sleep.”

“I can’t, what if.. What if he wakes up?” He smiled at me hugged me goodnight before falling asleep in an armchair. I crept closer to Jongdae’s sleeping form and kissed his lips. I blushed and looked away.

“Don’t know why I did that, this isn’t a Disney movie.” Hot tears fell down my face. “I’m sorry you’re hurting so much Jongdae, I’m sorry I couldn’t help you. Please,” I whispered, begging the unconscious boy in front of me. “Please wake up. I can’t live without you, please Jongdae.”

* * *

 

 

Jongdae 16

_ It’s quiet, there’s soft blankets, a warm vanilla and peach smell.  _ I open my eyes and my vision is still fuzzy. There’s pressure on my arms and it stings a bit and at first, I’m confused but then it dawns on me.  _ I tried to kill myself. I cut my arm. He said it would make me feel better. He said it would make people happy, did it make people happy?  _ The room is sterile and as my sight clears up, I can make out people.

Minseok, Joonmyun, my mother and father, Dr. Park, Baekhyun, Officer Wu, Luhan…… Yixing.

There’s a collective gasp and someone squeezes my hand.

“Jongdae, can you hear me?” I want to respond but I don’t have it in me.

“Give him a little space Joonmyun, he’s just now waking up.” A deep voice replies. There’s a sigh and my brother moves out of my range of sight. I try to push myself up, but I’m too weak and I fall back against the pillows. A large hand reaches out and pulls me up. Dr. Park smiles down at me and smooths down my hair.

“Good to see you awake Jongdae. You gave us all a major scare, especially Yixing.” 

“Xi-Xing?”I want him.

“He’s sleeping right now, he was so scared that he’d lost you that he refused to fall asleep for a couple days. I mixed some ZzQuil into his tea this morning.” Luhan said, a gentle smile resting on his lips. He got up and hugged me, careful for my arm. “I’m glad you’re okay, Jongdae.” I smiled back.

“JONGDAE!” My brother Minseok shouts and runs to my side, a tall, tan-skinned man following him. His round face is pink and tear-stained from crying. He laughs and sniffles then wipes his nose.

“Jongdae, this is Jongin, my fiance.” The sun-kissed male smiles and waves.

“Hi Jongdae, it’s nice to finally meet you, Minseok never shuts up about you.” Jongin teased. Minseok blushed and smacked his arm.

“I just wish you two could have met under better circumstances.” Guilt shoots through me and my eyes fill with tears.

“Oh no honey, I didn’t mean it like that I just wish I could’ve taken us all to a nice dinner and we could’ve all met formally.” Minseok clarifies and I rub my eyes.

“You’re awake?” Everyone's eyes flit to the door where Yixing stands, hair messy, skin pale, and large bags under his eyes. He looks like he’s ten seconds away from breaking down. He pushes his way to me and collapses on his knees at the side of my bed, taking my unbandaged hand into his cold one.

“I’m sorry,” he whispers and I feel a lump form in my throat. “I should’ve protected you, I should’ve said something. I was stupid to think you were ready when you hadn’t been outside for 10 years! I’m sorry Jongdae. I love you, please, I beg of you, forgive this fool.”

_ He really loves me. _

“I-I l-love y-ou t-too Xi-Xing.” He sobs into the blankets and I pet his hair.

“S’ ok-kay Xi-Xing.” I swallow “I’m-m okay.” His lips crash into mine and my face heats up. He leans down and pecks my neck and whispers into my ear.

“No one will take you anymore, I promise you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you all for reading and please prepare for the final chapter.


	12. Hold me Tight

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> “Jongdae,” My mouth is being forced open and something hot touches my tongue. “Such a good boy, you suck cock so well.” It hits the back of my throat and I choke, tears forming in my eyes. Something is touching my bum and it doesn’t feel good. Hands are running all over my body. I’m alone I’m in the basement. I’m whimpering and it’s cold, so cold. My body hurts and my thighs are throbbing. I’m shivering in this cage but I can’t call for help. A ball was forced into my mouth. I can barely breathe, my lungs pressing painfully against my skin. So much pain.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it guys, the final chapter. Thank you to everyone who stuck with this fic and gave me feedback on how you felt about it, it meant so much to me.  
> Also, Eun So got his name from Scarlet Heart (expect fanfiction on those two eventually)

Jongdae 24

_ “Jongdae,” My mouth is being forced open and something hot touches my tongue. “Such a good boy, you suck cock so well.” It hits the back of my throat and I choke, tears forming in my eyes. Something is touching my bum and it doesn’t feel good. Hands are running all over my body. I’m alone I’m in the basement I’m- _

“Mr. Kim, are you alright?” A small voice asks me. I blink repeatedly to clear my head and smile.

“Yes, I’m alright Eun So.” The room is empty except for the little boy sitting in front of me.

“Why aren’t you outside on the playground?” The boy sighs and looks down.

“No one likes me here Mr. Kim, can’t I just stay in here with you?” His eyes grow big as he pleads. I laugh and nod.

“Okay, you can help put papers in mailboxes while I grade the spelling tests.”

_ I’m whimpering and it’s cold, so cold. My body hurts and my thighs are throbbing. I’m shivering in this cage but I can’t call for help. A ball was forced into my mouth. I can barely breathe, my lungs pressing painfully against my skin. So much pain. _

“Hey, Mr. Kim?” Eun So asks as he starts putting papers into the cardboard boxes. I look up from the stack of tests to see the little boy staring at me. 

“Yes?”

“What’s the matter?” I freeze.

“What do you mean?” I ask.

“Well, sometimes you zone out or start crying in class when we take naps or when we’re outside at recess. Sometimes, you start breathing really heavy and you start shaking after dismissal. Sometimes, you text Mr. Zhang and he has to come in and help you calm down. Why?” I almost want to laugh this kid is so smart but, I trust him, he reminds me of me.

_ I guess that’s always been one of my flaws. _

“When I was a young, something very bad happened to me. Yi-” I cleared my throat. “Mr. Zhang is the only person who can help me calm down.” The young boy looked confused.

“So, you get nightmares during daytime?”

“Pretty much.” He looked as if the whole world suddenly made sense and he smiled at me.

“That’s okay Mr. Kim, my dad gets those a lot. Especially since he can home from the military. But I thought adults didn’t get scared?” I smile at him.

“We do,” I take a deep breath and push away the negative thoughts. “Trust me, we do.”

 

That afternoon as I was erasing my chalkboard after class, Yixing stepped in and wrapped his arms around my waist. I flinched and he immediately dropped his arms.

“I’m sorry,” I whispered, tears prickling at my eyes. He was quick to hush me and kiss my cheek.

“It’s not your fault. How many today?” He asked me. I understood what he meant.

“Two, they weren’t crippling but-” 

“They were pretty bad?” I nodded and he hugged me. I hid my face in his neck and took a deep breath, relaxing as his cologne filled my nose. I pulled away from him and he smiled at me, dimples forming in his cheeks.

“Minseok invited us over for dinner tonight. He would like to know if we’d like to go over to his house.” I nodded and began to put stacks of graded and ungraded papers into my backpack.

_ I’m bound and gagged, silent sobbing as whip after whip hits the flesh of my back. I want to scream and fight back, but I’m too weak, I can’t do it. I need Yixing. _

“Jongdae…. Jongdae? Can you hear me?” I nod and straighten up.Yixin grabs my hand and squeezes it.

“Let's go home.”

 

Yixing and I moved out of Luhan’s house after I started to attend college. Yixing was nearly finished with his education program for advanced literature, but I wanted to become an elementary school teacher. My brothers and I had come extremely close and I was his best man at his and Jongin’s wedding. Dr. Park and Baekhyun helped me the most when it came to healing, especially the latter. Baekhyun and I had a lot in common and we helped each other break out of the shells that confined us. Baekhyun now gave private lessons in singing and I often joined him. 

Yixing, he was the love of my life. He was my first friend and was the only one to help me when I was alone. He was patient with me and stood by my side no matter. And now even in the quiet and dark nights when visions of the past haunt me in every sleeping moment, he’s there to comfort me and love me. While it’s true Kim Young-min took away my life, stripped me of my purity and innocence, stole my trust; Yixing will always be there. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again thank you all so much for reading and please look forward to my KrisYeol fic!


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